Kale Chips

If you’ve spent any amount of time on the various natural/gluten-free/healthy eating blogs out there, you’ve probably heard of kale chips. (If not, well, they’re just what they sound like: chips made out of kale.) Recently, Shauna over at Gluten-Free Girl wrote about how she had avoided trying them for so long because too many people said they were awesome, and the rebel in her habitually avoids anything that’s too popular. And it made me realize, I’d been avoiding them, but for a different reason: I was just way, way too skeptical.

Let’s face it. There are a lot of gluten-free substitutes out there that individuals who have been eating gluten-free for awhile will insist, “Oh, it tastes just like the real thing, you can’t even tell the difference!” We all know they’re delusional, plain and simple. They’ve forgotten what the originals tasted like. A lot of gluten-free stuff tastes good in its own right, so that’s fine — but don’t give me applesauce and try to convince me it tastes just like mashed potatoes, you know? There’s nothing wrong with applesauce tasting like applesauce.

The point is, I would read about these fabled kale chips, and all I could do was shake my head in pity at these pathetic people who had somehow convinced themselves that cooked lettuce could taste like a chip. How badly must they want to eat chips, I thought, to be able to pretend this stuff tastes good at all, let alone like anything resembling a chip?

Let me cut to the chase, here: I was wrong. Boy, was I ever wrong. These things are completely amazing. They shatter in your mouth, like a wafer-thin potato chip. They don’t quite taste like potato chips, but they definitely don’t taste like a leaf. The predominant flavor is the salt, just like with a potato chip. But of course what really matters is the kid-test. And I am here to tell you, Girl Scout’s honor, my kids have been wolfing these down since the first day I made them. I had to sneak-force the first bite into the GFCFBoy’s mouth, that’s the kind of resistance he was putting up… and after the look of surprise wore off, he started grabbing them straight off the pan.

Seriously, y’all. I’m not making it up. My two children under the age of four are eating fistfuls of baked kale. It’s insane.

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It’s important to note this can only be done with kale, because it has such a naturally dry, dense leaf. You absolutely cannot make this with spinach, for example, because it will just wilt. So first, wash your kale leaves, making sure to get the middle of the stem where the dirt tends to hide.

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Next, run your knife along each side of the main stem to remove it. We just want the leafy bits.

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Crosscut them into chip-size pieces. You could also tear them with your hands, precision isn’t really important here.

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Now, this is important: after you cut all your pieces, let them sit until the leaves are completely dry again. You’ll know they’re ready when that ashy-white color has come back. You could speed it along with a towel or a salad spinner or something, but the best thing to do is just give it time to fully evaporate. It’s critical that these things be as dry as possible in order to cook right. Then, and only then, pour about 2-3 tablespoons of olive oil into the bowl, and work it all around with your hands.

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And I mean really work it. You want every square millimeter covered with oil. I actually find that it’s kind of a waste of time to do it in the bowl, because these curly leaves always manage to hide their inner surfaces. Instead I work it around the bowl for maybe 30 seconds so my hands are nice and oily, then I rub each leaf flat between my palms as I lay them out on the baking sheet. It’s messy, but it goes fast.

So. Critical step number one is they must be totally dry when you start. Critical step number two is they must be saturated with oil over every membrane. And critical step number three is: don’t crowd the pan. You want lots of shiny foil showing up between the leaves. I spread one head of kale over at least two large baking sheets.

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Put them in a 350 degree oven for 12-15 minutes. They’re done when the leaves are dark and stiff, but not yet brown. You can literally just stick your hand in the oven and brush it very lightly across the tops — if they feel stiff like autumn leaves, they’re ready! But if they’re brown like autumn leaves, they’re burnt, and don’t even try tasting them, because they will be nasty. Better to pull them out too early than too late, trust me.

UPDATE: I have since settled upon a much more effective cooking method, if you happen to have a convection oven (this sometimes masquerades as a “speed bake” button on the front panel.) Basically the convection function turns on a fan inside the oven, which dries out the air — generally resulting in things cooking faster, but the drying aspect is the key here. Cook the kale chips at 250 degrees, with the convection fan on, for 25-30 minutes, stirring once. They will come out perfectly even, and you will never have to worry about burning them even a little.

Sprinkle them liberally with salt, and possibly other seasonings if you’re feeling adventurous. Garlic powder is a popular choice, and some kale chip mavens even go for things like paprika or dill. I like just plain old salt, though. You must not salt them before they go in the oven, though, only after, because otherwise the salt will drastically shorten the cooking time (by drawing the moisture out faster) and it will be almost impossible to catch them in that narrow window between cooked and burnt.

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See how they’re shiny, but dry? It’s almost like they’ve been fried in the olive oil. They’ll keep in an airtight container at room temperature for more than a week. I’d like to tell you exactly how much more, but I can’t, because I swear to you, my kids keep eating all of them! And these are not children who appreciate anything of a leafy variety, not at all. I know exactly how skeptical you’re feeling right now, but give kale chips a chance. I’m so glad I finally did.

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Happy Eating!

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Kale Chips

1 bunch of kale
2-3 Tbs olive oil
salt